My First Fathers Day Without Dad
Posted: Tuesday, June 05, 2007
by Steve Baker
Merric Enterprises
This Sunday is Father's Day and, for the first time in my life, I don't have a dad. We take a lot of things for granted in our lives, including our own health and the health of our parents but last September I lost my dad and best friend. Okay, Pop was 85 and had a failed quad-bypass, and I'm in my fifties... but he's gone and it hurts.
Life gives us interesting turns and lessons and the circle of life is a strange one. My daughter and son-in-law were trying to adopt and were on a long list for a baby from
Dad's operation did not go well and in a short time he was on a feeding tube and slowly dying. His wish to me was to pull the tube and let him go...and I signed the papers. At first I felt that I was signing his death warrant, but my wife, in her wisdom, assured me that I was actually signing his release form.
The estimate was that it would be 5 to 10 days before he would die.
The morning that I signed the papers, my daughter called to say that they had gotten "the Call" and that they had to leave the next day for
I told Dad what they were doing and that he was now officially a Great-Grandfather. He smiled and said "Well that's wonderful." Those were dad's last words, he died an hour later. It was as if Dad could then leave, knowing that the circle was complete.
So this is a bitter-sweet Father's Day for me because I still have a father in my family, but instead of my Pop, it's my son-in law Michael and now I'm a grandfather to little Zachary Kim Ruggiero.
Thanks for allowing me to indulge myself in missing my dad. Fatherhood in the world today is often overlooked and undervalued and that's a hideous mistake.
Thanks to all of the dads out there, ours is the greatest responsibility and reward possible. If you're not a dad, then thank yours for me!
HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!
This Article has been viewed 2,040 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)Steve, I'm sorry of the loss of your father. I agree with you that father's are most often undervalued. In honour of your father and all father's everywhere, we salute you! Congrats on being a grandfather, too. A well-written story about your father/family. Thank you.
You opened a lot of feelings for me, I recently lost my 90 year old father. Congrats on your new grandson. The circle of life goes on. Thank you
I am envious of most people I know for the simple fact that they still have their fathers. I am 27 yrs old and lost mine about 6 months ago. It wasn't easy that week, preparing the funeral, talking with family members and friends of his. It wasn't easy on his Birthday, and it certainly wasn't easy on my Wedding Day to be without him. We were planning on having him watch the ceremony through a live video webcam since he couldn't leave his bed for the 2 months before he died. So, I know it won't be easy this Father's Day. I know he lived a happy life, he had tons of great friends, he enjoyed his work, he settled down with his family and had earned enough to retire and travel with my mom. He had 3 great kids who never lived more than a few hours away and would come home for every important meal. He felt the appreciation we had for him with every great masterpiece he cooked. He made decisions for our family, he guided the way for us to make our own. He got to be a grandfather for a little over a year, something we all knew he treasured more than anything. He helped his only son (me) get through college, find a job, get a house, and find a woman to marry. A few days before he died he said that he was so glad that he finally got to know me. I didn't know what it meant at the time, but now I see. For 20-something years he had been communicating with a bratty teen, or a know-it-all college kid. But finally, in the year or two before cancer took his abilities to do anything, he got to know who I was becoming as a man. Even though its been over 6 months since he said that line to me, I can feel the pride in how he said it. He would be the one I called when I had a question about anything. If my car wasn't running right. If I didn't know who to vote on in an election. If I got in trouble, or had a speeding ticket. If I needed money. If I needed advise. If I wanted to go on a vacation. If I wanted a home cooked meal. If I was lonely. If I needed a buddy to talk to about the baseball game I just watched. If I had back pain. If I just played an amazing game of basketball. If I saw someone funny driving. If I got in a fight. He was the one for everything. Now, with a baby on the way with my wife, I am going to be that everything for my child. I just want to be that everything for more than 27 years, because it wasn't enough for me. Knowing how great he was only makes me miss him and want him here more. So this Father's Day will not be easy. I've heard it all from people who say the pain eases with time. Well, I don't want the pain to ease. I want to feel this pain and this gaping hole in my life forever, because I don't want to believe his impact on me will ever be less significant. A million years wouldn't nullify his impact. It isn't like a mountain being eroded over time by a river. No. I refuse to believe it. So I want to immerse myself in as much pain and sorrow as I possibly can, to again remind myself how important of a person I need to live up to be.
Great article - my dad is 85 and a half and has many similarities to your dad. I hope to spend a few days with him this coming weekend, with him and my sister and my family too. Thanks for writing. Dave Potchak, SW author
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.